The covers of many old games made promises that were never fulfilled. Disappointment awaited any child who thought Phalanx an outer-space shooter starring an elderly backwoods banjo enthusiast, while the same went for the poor kids who expected to shoot robotic carnosaurs through the head in Dinowarz. And let’s not even discuss the false prophecies of Crack Down’s promotional artwork. Saint Sword, a 1991 action game for the Genesis, appears to set similarly unreachable standards with its box illustration.
It’s hard to imagine a mere Genesis game being even half as surreal as this display. Macress, hero of Saint Sword, grimly seizes a half-buried blade, his face and magnificent hockey hair blurring into spiked, hallucinatory horror. Behind him looms something even more mystifying: a creature that’s half blue horse, half purple vampire woman decked out with enough streaming permed hair and gaudy makeup to resemble Twisted Sister’s Dee Snider or Boy George in their ‘80s heydays. Taito used this cover for both the American and Japanese releases of Saint Sword, with only minor changes to the title. No single part of the world could contain it.
And it’s all in the game. Macress starts out as a human swordsman out to defeat an ancient evil, but he soon changes form much like the hero of Altered Beast. Instead of shedding his clothing while a baritone narrator makes suggestive remarks, Macress switches to useful new shapes: a winged warrior, a mer-man, and…yes, a centaur.
If Saint Sword isn’t a particularly impressive title, it’s perhaps the most centaur-heavy Genesis game this side of Shining Force. In fact, the second-stage boss is a centaur as well. An unchallenging opponent, the beast switches between male and female forms (and different methods of attack) right before the player’s eyes. Thus the game delivers an oddly colored centaur that’s both man and woman. Saint Sword’s cover might be as bizarre as box art could get in the early 1990s, but at least it wasn’t lying to anyone.
Next: "Smart" ain't exactly the word.
